I remember when I was a kid and I used to tie a towel around my neck and jump off furniture and hope that maybe, just maybe, one day I would actually stall in the air long enough to feel like I was flying. That never happened.
I would jump then I would fall, but the funny thing is that I would always go back and try again. Still hoping to fly one day.
I haven’t blogged in so long because I’ve had a lot of changes happening in my life. Some people use working out as their therapy (I can’t really do that too much anymore), some people sing (I have a terrible singing voice), and a special breed, like myself, have to write to get it all out.
Not for sympathy. Not to get noticed. Not for any other reason than the fact that once it’s put on paper and it’s staring you in the face, you can not deny it.
I am currently on medical leave for work for 2 months. I will not go into details, but I will say that my whole life is changing and it’s happening fast. I can no longer legally drive and I can not live by myself.
As a woman who was raised to be independent, this has been challenging for me to accept. I actually have to start relying on other people. I actually have to look in the mirror sometimes and say “Shelby, you can’t do that.”
I still want to try sometimes. I still want to fly.
Many people do not know why my blog is named after Wonder Woman or from where my obsession stems.
She is the epitome of womanhood to me. The idea of feminism in a leotard.
She makes me believe that I can still fly no matter what.
People are always so enamored by the fact that I stay positive and crack jokes all the time, despite how I’m feeling. People always tell me that they love my upbeat personality despite the fact that I basically live in hospital rooms now.
I don’t do it to put a front on for other people. I do it for me.
No matter what has come my way, God has brought me through it. My family and I have been through some major things and to this day I get to see how all those things worked together for my good, just as the bible says it will.
This, I know, will have the same ending. This is my testimony, y’all.
When I look back years later and this whole thing is over (it will be because I’ve claimed it), do I want to tell a story of how down I was and how much I doubted God and “Woe is me! Something’s wrong with my brain so I’m a victim”?
I want to tell a story of how my faith got me through. I want to tell the story of how neurologists, nurses, and other people effected by serious seizure disorders such as I am, saw God in me.
You know what I think about in my postictal state of paralysis (a period of time when you can not speak or move after a seizure)? First, I try to make myself aware of what’s going on around me and try to remember where I am, then I pray.
My body feels so light in those moments. I have no choice but to lay there. As scary as those moments are with all my stillness and all of my muted words, I fly.
I’m no Wonder Woman. I am THAT Wonder Woman. I am the one that smiles through the pain and prays through the darkness. I am the one that, despite having moments of short term memory loss, I always remember to put on my cape, go to the edge, and jump without fear.
No matter what is happening in your life, no matter who has hurt you, no matter what people walk out on you, you can’t stop flying. You can’t give up.
You have to let go of things and be free. You have to forgive people. You have to smile more.
You cant fly with a burden on your back and chips on your shoulder.
Remember who you are and remember who God wants you to be.
Stay blessed, my people.