How is it possible to “fall” in love, yet also “fall” out of love?
In order for someone to fall, doesn’t that mean that at some point one must be elevated above the other? So which one is it?
Do you fall in love or does love fall onto you?
That question doesn’t actually directly relate to the post. It was just a random thought. 🙂
Anywho…the actual post is about self identity and the twisted notions we have about what really makes us who we are.
The other day I was watching the show “Couples Therapy” that comes on Vh1. Flavor Flav is on the show and he was there with his fianceé. In this episode, they were talking about childhoods and their relationships with their parents. Flavor Flav shared how he received brutal beatings from his father as a child. He then went on to say, “You know what? I’m thankful for those beatings though because they made me as strong as I am today.” The therapist stopped him right then and said, “No. They created a weakness in you.”
That made me think…how many negative things have happened to me over my life that I just assumed made me a stronger person?
It’s kinda like the whole, “If a boy is mean to you, he likes you” theory. We take that mindset into adulthood. Therefore, when a guy is a total (insert expletive here) to a woman, we take it as, “Oh. This is how he shows he cares.”
What is wrong with us as humans?
I grew up with a very strained and limited relationship with my father. In my mind, I always thought that this has made me as strong as I am today. No. Just like the therapist said on “Couple’s Therapy”, this actually created a weakness in me. It created fear, distrust, and anger.
If these negative things really made us stronger, then why not do these things to our future generations? Why not have spotty relationships with our kids or beat them? Because, ultimately, we realize that they still hindered us in some way.
We have to change how we think about these actions. As Pastor Rickie G Rush would say, you have to get rid of your “stinkin’ thinkin'”. We think that what has happened to us made us strong, but in reality, it is the fact that we had enough ambition and tenacity to still be here and still fight, that has strengthened us.
Even if you’re still taking blows, that means you’re at least still in the fight and that you haven’t lost.
Don’t tell people that you getting beat, talked about, or growing up poor made you strong. Tell them about how you moved from that situation. Tell them about your REACTION and not the action that happened to you.
There is a story about a woman who used to look out of her window everyday into her neighbor’s yard. Her neighbor would hang their laundry on the line outside. Everyday, the woman would look out of her window and fuss about how dirty her neighbor’s clothes were and how they needed to put away those dirty clothes. One day, the lady leaned into the window too far and bumped her head. She then noticed a mark on the window and began wiping off the area. She realized that this whole time that she was fussing about her neighbor’s dirty clothes, she was actually the one with the dirty window.
Sometimes we have to look past what is right in front of us to see the bigger picture. Get through the forefront of your emotional damage and acknowledge the strength you had to persevere.
Some of us are not only looking through dirty windows, we’re looking at a dirty mirror. We don’t give ourselves enough credit. Believe me, I’m speaking from experience.
See yourself, not for what you’ve done or who you are now, but see yourself for who you want to be.
Stay blessed, my people.